Have the eclectic quirks
In people’s online heads
Replaced the curiosity shops
Wherein, among
The bits and bobs
Of whimsy and antiquity,
We browse, instead,
For random gems to spot?

Oh, Daily Mail

Oh Daily Mail, you never fail
To hurl your hateful bile.
The lengths you’ll go to,
Depths you’ll sink to,
To divide our British Isles.

You’re like a pack of dang’rous dogs,
Snarling, salivating, even,
As you choose your Dish du Jour,
Weaving bigotry galore –
Just to voice your crass assumptions
Irrespective of the facts –
Feeders seeking mass consumption
Of your mal-adjusted crap.

So up yourselves with indignations,
Planks form in your spiteful eyes.
You take a teeny speck of truth
And loosen with dictated lies,
Then, dolloping with ill-informed
Opinion, calmly generalise.

All you know is pettiness
And gross ambition for sensation,
Signifying nothing more than
Tawdry, superficial piffle
Based on wild extrapolations –
Never missing any chance to
Incite eejits with conflation.

Braying at the cellulite; the cup size
Of some poor old cow
Spread-eagled through your poisoned print
That judges what is “public interest”
By the mileage you can mint
In spite and groundless vitriol.

Discarding all integrity;
Forsaking grace
For prejudice and other nasty schisms,
As you waive away your intellect
For bloody awful journalism.

Oh Daily Mail! You parable!
You’re fecklessness perfected!
A pedlar of our new age ills;
Pervasiveness personified;
Exemplar of the modern shill;
A very paragon of everything
That’s so defective.