Brace yourself, Britannia

My mission’ry position is
Compassionate conservatism
Lo, my little citizens! I come to
Save you from yourselves with
Morals from an ancient wealth –
By far the cheapest of elitist guff
I’ve ever plied but then, you know:
I am a very rudiment’ry kind of guy.
I am a monocausal polyglot – one
In; one out – a multi-spinning tome
I’ve got, imposing with my pointy
Thumb a myriad of hoarded ohms
All leading to my Tory home where
What is good for you is of a certain
Better known.

My children, you have
Come a cropper, what with the
Equality and sharing, caring tedium
That stalks my Big Society. I came
In haste to fix you good and proper
– love a quickie, me – you need to
Learn to love the shortcut model of
The Family. It’s quite an art but this
Hardworking righteous part is up for
You and so, we self-selected few, in
Scorn-laced pity’s duty hewn, most
Urgent with desire to collect, will see
To you, Britannia, brace yourself: your
Welfare will be keenly felt, my pet.

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